Anticipatory Grief

Emotionally preparing for your pet's death

Anticipatory Grief – if you didn’t know the term before, you do now! It’s the emotional pain we feel before any loss actually occurs. For pet parents, this grief can begin when a terminal illness is diagnosed. Or at early signs of aging, as faces go gray and knees get stiff. Sometimes this can be a quiet ache that is invisible to others, but it’s very real and can be deeply isolating.

My friend at Forever in Our Hearts introduced me to this phrase and I couldn’t believe I’d never heard it before – I’ve worked in end-of-life care for over a decade. Being able to identify these complex emotions means we can talk about it, though. So let’s talk about it.

When we know the end is approaching, we often feel sadness. But we might also feel things like guilt, anxiety, or even relief. I’m in the thick of this right now with Howard. We’re having issues with (Dane-sized) incontinence and I’m disgusted with the part of me that is somehow looking forward to not cleaning up poop. I’m doing my best to follow my own advice here to acknowledge, accept, and make space for these feelings, however confusing.

Emotionally preparing for pet loss doesn’t mean shutting down or detaching—it means leaning in with intention. I'm looking forward to sunnier, backyard weather and spending time with this old boy. Creating memories. Taking photos. Saying the things I want him to know. And planning a gentle goodbye at the end of a fun-filled, sun-filled day with lots of snacks and friends.

Most of all, I'm giving myself permission to grieve, even before the goodbye. This kind of grief isn't widely understood, but it is real and valid. My bond with this handsome boy is unique—and so is the path to honoring it.

PS - I also cannot recommend Forever in Our Hearts enough. If you are a Flameless Cremation Services family, contact me for free access to this site. For everyone else, FCS50 will provide a 50% discount.

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